I care what people think of me. I wish I didn't. I wish I could be like those people that proudly exclaim, "I am who I am!" "I am me!" "Me is who I am!" "And I don't care what people think!" What freedom! What liberation! What lies!
Let's be honest here. We all care. It's perfectly okay to not want to admit it. After all, it's been engrained in us for so long to emit this faux confidence, to carry with us this heir of rebellion against society's perspective. We feel like we have to display ourselves this way, or else we're seen as weak, as a prisoner to the standards of those around us. Which brings it right back home- we're worried about how others see us. (Side note: This makes perfect sense in my head, I hope it does to you too. See, there you go. Prime example. I'm worried that you'll think I don't make sense and am therefor an inadequate writer and don't know anything. Elizabeth Taylor had a double row of eyelashes. There, see? I know something. But I digress...)
Some people care way more than others. We're all in different spots in the process of self acceptance as we learn to keep that anxiety at bay. It's all in our mindsets. Let me also say, caring what others think doesn't mean you lack confidence. It means you're a human being. Even the most confident among us have their moments. Some express it, some fake it till they make it, some write it off, some get anxious or depressed. I believe that caring what others think shows that we aren't meant to be isolated, but that we're meant to support others, to work together. We all want love. I think admitting that we care is admitting we are imperfect, and that it's alright. (Side note: Up there, I almost wrote "anxiety at bae" by mistake. I don't think I've ever used that word in my life. Even joking. Has that word just been floating around in my head, lurking over the years, waiting to pounce? Nice try, bae. Dammit.)
Now, the key here is to not let this steer us away from ourselves and take over our lives. One thing that helps me is stopping to acknowledge the worry, and then looking inside to see what's actually bothering me. Because odds are, the thing I'm so worried that people are thinking of me is actually a reflection of how I'm feeling about myself in that moment. More than likely, people aren't even thinking about me at all. (Side note: Leah in an 80s workout video. Leah riding a Harley Davidson. Ha! Now you're thinking of me. And now you're rolling your eyes. And now you're wanting me to get on with it and are getting annoyed. And you're not surprised that I'm stalling. Hey, you're the one still reading this. I'm just sitting here drinking Coke Zero and listening to Pink Floyd. And now you're thinking of me doing that. Whoa, this is like mind control. Anyway...) All that to say, people are usually more concerned about the opinions of others to be focusing on their opinion of you.
I don't write this to group us all together and rob us of our individuality. I'm not trying to make a blanket statement, or to oversimplify anything. We're all different people, with unique stories and our own points of view. Every one of us is in a different stage of life, with a different mindset. I wrote this to hopefully share a sense of unity, in that we aren't alone in these anxieties, these cares that we dwell on so often. Be true, friends, and be flawed. You aren't as watched as you feel. No one is viewing you as a failure, as stupid, as ugly, as incompetent. And if they are, it's a reflection of their feelings toward themselves. Which is quite sad. Try encouraging people this week, especially if you're feeling down on yourself. I promise you, you're not alone in those feelings. It's okay to care, but try not to care too much, if you get what I mean.
...Leah as Catwoman... Sorry!
Love, gratitude, and validation to each of you <3
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