The One You Feed

An old Cherokee legend begins with a man speaking to his grandson. He tells the child of the constant battle within his soul, the battle between two wolves. One wolf is good, filled with humility, joy, kindness, peace. The other wolf is evil. He is hatefulness, pride, sorrow, jealousy, rage. The two are at war nonstop. When the child asks which wolf will prevail, the old man replies, "The one you feed."

Nothing makes you question who you are more than an ED. (Side note: Okay, with the exception of amnesia). But I mean it. This confusion occurs on multiple levels: it fogs your brain and saps your energy, it attacks your mentality and hijacks your thoughts, it warps your perception of who you are. Personally, it numbed me in many ways, completely muffling my emotions. But if I focus enough, layers beneath, I feel them still. They cry out to me, begging me to wake up.

A war has been raging within me for years. In one corner is me, along with my goals, my desires, all the love and adventure in my heart. In the other corner is this illness. And let me tell you, it is strong. It is well-fed. And me? Well, I'm starving. Friends, I've been getting my ass kicked. My entire life has been restrained, bound up as a prisoner of war. I wish so badly that the solution were as simple as it seems. I don't even have to say it, do I?

So this has been my plan of attack- to bring this internal battle out into the light. In doing so, my army grows, my enemy recoils.

My wolf eats.