Surf's Up

It's hard to say how this issue started for me. It didn't happen all at once. Few things do. There are multiple factors that sparked this illness: anxiety, desire for control, hurtful words, societal standards. I could go on. Over the years, ED became a coping mechanism for me. It was a way for me to set myself a part from others, to feel that I was good at something. What I didn't realize was that setting myself apart was really just pure isolation. As the months, and eventually years passed, I felt more and more alone. I became a cast away on an island, watching my ship sink due to the holes I'd created myself.

It's at this point that I'm supposed to give the "downward spiral" analogy, but honestly, I don't see it that way. I don't view this situation, or life in general, in ups and downs. I see it more as ebbing and flowing. A wave. Sometimes the water is still and gentle. Other times it's rocky and harsh. Sometimes we see a wave coming and can prepare for impact, other times it knocks us back before we even know it's there. And then you swallow a gallon of sea water and think the stray piece of seaweed wrapping around your neck is some giant eel monster preparing to drag you to her lair and sacrifice you to the Giant Eel Monster Supreme and you just wish in your final moments of life you could at least get the sand out of your swimsuit. (Side note: I work at an aquarium, yet the best thing I could come up with was "giant eel monster." Fine. Anguilliformes. There. Another side note: Making this specific giant eel monster a female was an artistic choice that in no way represents my opinions, positive or negative, toward male or female giant eel monsters.)

Sorry. (Side note: Not really).

I've noticed that recovery isn't a linear path. There may not be a definite beginning and end. In fact, there probably won't be. Healing is a constant state. We need to remember that we never know what the next day holds. Some tomorrows will be rough, others will be peaceful days at sea. The important thing is to do everything in our power to insure that tomorrow will come. And to embrace everything we can of today. We always hear about the "calm before the storm," but be reminded that after each storm, there will be calm again.

(One more Side note: Have you ever noticed that eels always have that look on their faces like they're the dorky kid in middle school that just got invited to their first cool kid party? No? Alright then.)
Be well, friends.